Why your God still uses drugs

Below is the definitive proof provided by the brain boffins at IMoG that your God still uses drugs in some of his creative decisions.

Click to enlarge

App's the new Crack

The iphone, more socially exciting than you since 2007.

Here's the proof.

Hey Sugar Tits

This song cracks me up everytime I hear it :)





Denis Leary # I Like Tequila

The Dr Jones Method (for the youth of today 'Pwn'd bi Dr Jones')

If you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark then you're either too young to have heard of it or you're some arty farty type that prefers to watch French cinema (with subtitles of course).



Watch it and love this classic and iconic piece of movie history.

But the moment I wish to discuss in this rambling post is the moment (for me) I'd never seen before in film.
The scene where Dr Jones has the show down with the dude with the big sword. See below:
The Dr Jones Method

The scene was not only hilarious but also elavated the character to one of the coolest hero's ever created.

The Second comes in the form of Open Range and the character of Charley Waite.

When the free grazing crew lead by Robert Duvall and Kevin Costner crosses paths with the grumpy Irish cattle baron played by Michael Gambon, Costner and co are provoked into a fight they didn't want.

The result of which leaves Mr Gambon wishing he hadn't left his wand at home.

Click here to see what happens when Mr Costner meets his lethal and extremely hyped up nemesis played by Kim Coates.

The third comes in the form of Captain Malcolm Reynolds in FireFly

This programme was one of the finest to ever grace our screens and if you haven't seen it then do yourself a favour and watch it.




Click here to see how Captain Reynolds deals with annoying law enforcement types.

So there you have it, three of cinema's toughest characters ever committed to film.

Classic 80's Movies: Road House 1989

'Dalton lives like a loner,
fights like a professional
and loves like there's no tomorrow.

The dancing's over, now it gets dirty'

You've got to love the old 80's tag lines.






So a couple of weeks ago I decided to watch this classic.
I think the last time was in my teens and now that I'm in my 30's I didn't quite realise how gay it was in places.

There's far too many to mention to be honest but one character that amused me the most was the evil henchman Jimmy.
How gay was this fucking guy?

An outcast (over this gayness) wannabe Ninja that secretly yearns to be George Michael that has a fetish for beating fat guys with a snooker cue.

What was the director thinking when they cast this guy?
Was his gayness to try and offset Mr Swayze's campness and try to butch Pat up a bit?

Anyway after watching this gay boy prance around like a twat the compulsory showdown between him and Mr Swayze finally happens.

Now the fight admittedly doesn't start well.

After a shirtless and oiled up Mr Swayze pulls the escaping gayboy off his motorbike (if I can call it that because it 150cc look like a Harley) the fight for the biggest gayer commences.

The fight begins with Gayboy advising Mr Swayze to "prepare to die".
To which old Patrick informs him "you are such an asshole".

After allot of legs flaying about delivering roundhouse kicks that would probably break the neck of a normal man, Mr Swayze finds himself in his position.













Not the best situation to be in around this mofo, especially when he's behind you and he whispers in your ear

"I used to fuck guys like you in prison"

This line was probably one of the funniest things I'd heard in a long time as it's quite obvious he was the village bike in prison judging by the way he's dressing now.
Was this naive writing or a deliberate line?

But it didn't stop there.

The bad guy's were all dead. Mr Swayze is technically bordering on being a full blown serial killer but his girlfriend forgives him anyway. Hey, it's sexy.

The credits are about to roll and the last shot is of a nekkid (washing out for all to see) Mr Swayze diving into a lake to join an equally nekkid Kelly Lynch for some skinny dipping when I noticed it.
















Who is the fucking guy sat on the bank of the lake watching them?
















This poor sod is sat eating his sandwiches, enjoying some alone time and the beauty of nature when without any hint or preview, he's gets to see Mr Swayze charging down the bank with his pork dagger slapping against his thighs.

Poor bastard.

Edit* (having looked at the picture again, I've just realised the guy is the blind guitarist in the film which just makes it even worse. In fact, thats just plain kinky.)

Poor blind bastard.

The innocence of children and snow

I think this was meant to be a reindeer

WTF?

This feedback form came across my desk the other day and I was left wondering what was actually happening when this person was filling it out?

Password recovered

And I'll try to post more than 3 times this year ;S

Al Swearengen Day

After recently discovering the TV series Deadwood. I wondered how the 21st century office enviroment would cope with Gem Saloon owner, Al Swearengen.

So I did my homework. For three weeks I studied the character, his way of thinking and most of all his dialogue.

I will admit it was a challenge but as you will see below. I think the results of my day were rewarding.

For those of you unfamiliar with Deadwood just follow the link on the right or watch this: Deadwood

Deadwood Day 13 May 2009

9:10am
I'm approached by one of the cocksuckers from our phone team.

Cocksucker 1: Morning Al, we've just been informed that Mrs Brown has passed away and I thought you might want to have a look at it.

Swearengen: God rest the soul of that poor lady (I stand to make an announcement) and pussy's half price for the next 15 minutes.

Cocksucker 1: What? What the Hell are you talking about?

Swearengen: (I sit back down, slightly deflated by the lack of interest in the cheap pussy)

Pah, just tell the husband to wave a penny under the Jew's nose you fuckin' cocksucker.

If they've got living breath in them, brings them right around.

At this point the cocksucker decides to retreat, obviously intimidated by superior linguistic skills

9:56am

I'm trying to enjoy a cup of piss laced with tar when some Loopy Cunt from title decides to take a stab at ruining my day.

Loopy Cunt 1: Morning Al! I just wanted to feed this back to you that you'd made a mistake on the letter you issued out to the solicitors. It's no biggy though.

Swearengen: Now listen here you fuckin' loopy cunt! Sayin' questions in that tone and pointin' your finger at me will get you told to go fuck yourself!

Loopy Cunt: Al! There's not need for that response, I just thought you'd better know.

Swearengen: Is that so? Well I want to know how's that pussy-lotion? Should I try some on my ass? Underarms clean? Cunt braided? Well then, shut your fuckin' mouth from the flapping and open it for the fuckin' suckin'.

10:39am

I'm in the latreen trying to push through the muddy donkey's piss they call coffee around here when some limey cocksucker from accounts decides to grace me with his fuckin' presence.

Limey Cocksucker: Morning Al. How you doing?

Swearengen: What is it about you limey fuckin' cocksuckers that you have to fuckin' talk to a man mid fuckin' piss and upset the fuckin' density of my flow?

Limey Cocksucker: Al, you ok?

Swearengen: Get the fuck out of here before I slit your fuckin' throat and feed you to Wu's fuckin' pigs and get a hair cut you fuckin' cunt, you look like your mother fucked a fuckin' monkey.

1:52pm
I'm reconnoitering my maps to see where the latest gold claim has sprung up when the most repugnant God damn smell pays a visit to my nostrils. I eye the hoople fuckin' heads around me with suspicion before standing up.

Swearengen: I wanna know who cut the cheese?
[nobody answers]
I'll tell you this for openers, we are gonna set off an area on the balcony.
[I walk over to the fire escape and open the doors]
And God help whoever doesn't use it, because the next stink I have to smell in this office and whoever doesn't admit to it is going out the window, into the muck, onto their fucking heads. Then we'll see how they like farting from that position, okay?

The Return?

So after a near 5 year absence, is IMoG finally making a comeback?
Fuck knows but hey stranger things have happened.

So sit back and enjoy the rantings of a man 10 years more jaded.